First Conversation
“Ting, ting, ting…” Sameer and the girl sat in front of each other in the temple’s open yard as the temple bells rang with devotees coming in. Sameer looked around nervously at the people coming in and out of the temple. Normally he was a confident, calm, composed man and yet right now he was nervous and not composed. He decided he would have to start the conversation because she was probably even more nervous. Sameer cleared his throat. “This must be very weird for you, its weird and difficult for me as well” he began. Sameer had a strong yet soothing voice, he often found people listening to him without much effort. His voice did’nt lag or sound brushed as others, his voice was straight and he was often to the point immediately. “I have never met or spoken to a girl like this before for marriage, I don’t speak to many girls in general so I am not sure what we should be talking about here. Practically if we are here to decide whether or not we want to marry each other we need to know about each other. Your uncle and aunt told us about you” Sameer said he wanted her to know that so she wouldn’t have to go through painful details about her past herself. “But you don’t know anything about me” he continued. “My name is Sameer Raj Sehgal, I am the younger son of Raj Sehgal and help my family run their family business the Sehgal Industries. I completed my schooling in Rajasthan where my grandfather is originally from, we have another home there and typically live half of our year here and the other half there. After completing my schooling I went to the USA for college where I completed my graduation. I wanted to start my further studies but I was already back here helping the family business during my break and before I knew it I was involved full time.” The girl looked up at Sameer hearing about his desire for further studies. “I currently help the family business and live with my family, in fact even coming here to see you today is because of them. I’m a slightly..” he continued trying to choose the best words “boring guy. I don’t drink, I’ve never had a drink and I don’t smoke, I don’t like the smell of it. I don’t go to club or parties and keep to a very small group of people. I love my family and am usually surrounded by people at work all day but at the end of the day I prefer a quite evening. I’m a very simple or boring guy, I’ve never thought about my life partner much but one thing I was certain, I can never marry a girl who my family doesn’t approve of, I am who I am today because of them and can never abandon or live without them, even the thought is sacrilege to me. If my wife can’t respect my parents like I would respect hers or if she can’t understand my feelings for my family then I can never marry her. My Dadi saw you at the temple and instantly liked you, I’m here today because she insisted I meet you. I wanted to come meet you and wanted to thank you personally. Thank you very much for what you did for my Dadi, she’s very important for me, you didnt just save her but you saved me as well that day.” Sameer thanked her again folding his hands. The girl was touched, and quickly nodded her head disregarding her deed as anything big. “My family consists of my Dadi, Savitri Prithviraj Sehgal, my grandfather Prithviraj Sehgal, my father Raj Sehgal, my mother Padmini Raj Sehgal, my older brother Akash Raj Sehgal he’s currently abroad for work, my babhi Meera Akash Sehgal and my niece Diya Akash Sehgal and nephew Shaurya Akash Sehgal. We also have two lovely people Tammy and Lucky at home, their like my younger brother and sister, they help keep the home and us sane.” The girl looked up at Sameer with slight respect as she heard him talk about their house helps like a part of the family. “I told you what came to my mind, I understand making a marriage decision is not so easy to make so quickly. I agreed to come here because my grandmother and family now really likes you, if I say yes I have my personal reasons. You don’t need to say yes due to anyone’s pressure or insistence, only decide based on what you find correct. My family or I don’t care about your past, all we care about is you as an individual. It must be hard for you to think about marrying a stranger, if you’d like you can ask me anything you want, anything that can make your decision easier I’d be happy to do. Please ask me whatever you’d like” Sameer said respectfully. There was a method with which he spoke, it instantly made the other person comfortable, as uncomfortable as the girl was at the beginning of the meeting she now seemed at ease, still slightly nervous but slightly happier because the guy in front of her cared about her reaction and wanted to make this easier for her in any way he could. Looking up at the boy, the girl introduced herself and began speaking. Sameer and Tejo spoke for what seemed like hours, their family looked out the window of the house in glee, happy to see the two talking, talking that’s where every relationship starts and ends when the talking ends. Dadi smiled looking at the two, she knew the two were made for each other she was just happy and hoped they could soon see what her experienced eyes had already seen.
After speaking for some time Sameer and Tejo walked back home, both now slightly at ease. For the first time talking to a girl was easy for Sameer, the fact that his family approved of him and given his Dadi’s vow on top of that he decided maybe it wasn’t a bad idea to marry Tejo. He didnt have many other expectations from his wife anyways, practically she checked all the boxes, she was beautiful, intelligent and caring. She wanted to pursue her further studies which Sameer was more than happy to hear. He believed women had first rights to an education because while a mans education may help run the family a women’s education will help run generations to come. She was slightly shy with Sameer but didn’t hesitate to tell her past, Sameer had cut her short when she began talking about her ex husband, he was conservatively rooted but didn’t believe that her being married made her any less of a person than who she was, hearing Sameer made her more comfortable and she looked at him with respect. Tejo had told him how she agreed to meeting him on her Mami’s behalf. Her mami was afraid in a few weeks her family would again make her meet new guys and get her married to someone in haste. Tejo knew her family and while she loved them she knew under societal pressure it was only so long before it would all began. She confessed how before meeting Sameer she was not interested but now maybe the idea wasn’t so bad. She told Sameer how she was nervous but after meeting him and seeing his compassion she was willing to think about this. It was a big decision, after asking him a final question Tejo decided to make her decision. She asked Sameer what he thought was the most important factor in a relationship between a husband and wife. After a few seconds Sameer smiled and replied “I have never been in a relationship with a girl so I am probably not the ideal person to answer this romantically. I will try to answer this from my perspective, I think the most important factor in any relationship is respect. Any relationship which doesn’t have respect won’t last very long. Without respect even a relationship of love won’t last very long and if there’s respect, sooner or later love will follow. When you respect the other person you respect their choices, their decisions. Whats important to the other person you acknowledge and accept that, even if you have different preferences you respect the differences between each other. When a relationship lacks respect issues such as infidelity, mistrust, arrogance start seeping in and weaken the relationship irregardless of how much love there is. If someone claimed to love you but didnt respect your family, is the love really there. But if someone respected your opinions and what’s important for you, it makes it a lot easier for you to love them. Hence I think the most important factor in any relationship is respect.” Sameer looked at Tejo while she continued to look at him awestruck. He didnt know what she thought about his answer, she probably found his answer more like a lecture he assumed. Tejo looked at him and as if confirming his answer at the right time, the temple bells rang, bringing her out of her daze. Closing her eyes she could feel the single tear escape her eyes, she didnt realize her eyes were brimmed, she had gotten emotional hearing the man sitting across from him. She didnt know what she wanting to hear but his answer surprised even her. Being a lecturer and a women even she didnt expect that answer, she was hoping for something like loyalty or equality, anything that would indicate that he wouldn’t be anything like Fateh, the man who cheated on her or the man who abandoned her on their wedding night. Sameer was different, he wasn’t like any man she had ever met. He answered so simply and honestly but it included everything a relationship would ever need. If a man respected a women, he would’nt cheat on her, if he respected a women, he would never leave her, if he respected a women he would never hurt her. His simple answer had answered all her unspoken questions and he sat there with an innocence which touched her heart, unaware of how he spoke about everything a women would only dream of. Tejo had gotten her answer and with that she looked over at the temple and nodded her head closing her eyes for a quick prayer. Sameer looked on quietly. Tejo had decided, Sameer, his mannerisms and his answer had made her decision that much more easy, she didnt know she would be doing this today but she considered it an indication from god and smiled as she said “If you or your family don’t object to this wedding, it is a yes on my behalf” she completed. Sameer asked if she needed more time and was sure, he would speak to his family and give her more time. He wanted to make sure she wasn’t under any pressure from anyone in her family or even the society. He asked her not to worry about anything and to ask him any more questions or come see his home if she’s worried. “I got all my answers” she replied quietly. Respect, Tejo thought, men don’t realize that a girl leaves her family she grew up with, her home, her town, her memories and loved ones behind. She walks away holding a strangers hand and in a matter of hours accepts a new home, new people, new town as her own. They don’t realize that behind all the big promises and fairytales and mush romance all they really ask for is respect. They leave their everything in a moment with a stranger and behind everything they hope for wish for, the basis is simply respect, all a girl needs is respect as Sameer stated everything else will follow. This man here understood this so easily, the truth in his eyes and the calmness in his words made Tejo believe in him even if she only met him moments ago, her heart thumped louder and from deep inside her heart she said yes, she agreed to marry Sameer Raj Sehgal.