“That Unknown Feeling” – Chapter 1: Guilt

Hey Guys! Most of you guys know me as “kriyam rocks” in the comments 😉 This is the first chapter of my first ff ever, so I’m pretty excited. The first 2-3 chapters will be more of an introduction or prologue to get to know the characters. Also, in this ff, Sayyam will be a bit more mellow and softer on the outside (read: less evil than he was at first). So here it is:

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‘No…no’ thought Sayyam, as he reeled back, as if he’d been punched square in the chest. His thoughts scattered into a flurry of emotions. He glanced up at the picture on the screen. That picture. The pain visible on Suhani’s face was raw and tangible. He had trouble breathing and looked at his mother, shattered. What had he done? He knew exactly what he’d done. He had trusted his father; trusted that man who had caused nothing but pain to her. There was a tear rolling down her cheek, and, Sayyam felt the need to wipe it away, to tell this beautiful woman how much he loved her, respected her, how much he felt the need to protect her. He stopped though, thinking bitterly ‘what was there to protect Suhani from, except himself?’

He remembered her words to him clearly, just a few moments ago, telling him that he was the result of his fathers’- he squeezed his eyes shut. He could not be more disgusted with himself, than he was now.

He began to step away, and as if on cue, Yuvraaj gave him a pointed look, and said something that made Sayyam hate the very blood running in his own veins; “People who cannot respect women are not allowed in my house”.

Sayyam turned around and started to leave, when he heard his mother’s pain-laden voice, stopping him in his tracks. He turned his head to the side, not having the courage to look at her directly after everything that had happened; and what his mother said completely ripped apart whatever parts of his heart were still intact; “Get out and don’t come back…I never want to see your face again-’

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“Nooo! Maa!” Sayyam jolted awake. His hands were shaking and sweat was trickling down his neck. He had been reliving this moment every night; again, and again, and again. The memory never seemed to let go of him, wherever he went, whatever he did; the guilt killed him…but it was the last thing his mother had said to him that had affected him the most this night. His breathing was heavy and he was curled up in a fetal position, when Suhani burst through the door of his room.

She looked at him, pained to see her son in such a state and knew he was remembering the day she had lashed out at him and told him the truth of his birth, almost a month ago. She had felt so proud to find out that he had gone to the police station to confront his father that day- but it killed her at the same time to know that he blamed himself and hated his very existence because of the pain he had caused everyone.

She inched towards him, and extended her hand to rest on his head. Slowly, he lifted his head to look at her, as if the burden of all Sambhav’s actions and all the pain she had given him, rested on him alone.

“Beta-” she caressed his face tenderly.

“Maa”, he started to cry in front of Suhani for the first time, “Maa, I’m sorry”, he rested his head on her lap. “Please don’t leave, stay with me”.
“Always beta, Hamesha” she smiled a bittersweet smile through her own tears, stroking her son’s hair back away from his face, watching him fall asleep for the first time in twenty years.
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Also, this ff will focus on Kriyam, but I’ll have little snippets of the Saisu bond, because the relationship between Sayyam and Suhani has so much potential that the cv’s never really chose to explore. So, yeah! Constructive criticism is appreciated!

Love ya guys!
-Shreya