“That Unknown Feeling”- Chapter 34: Numb

(Recap: Sayyam forcefully gets married to Krishna to save her and his mother’s reputation. Suhani helplessly allows the marriage to take place, while Krishna is irreversibly broken.)

To visit previous chapters: All Parts here

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Krishna cautiously walked into her room; the room she would now share with Sayyam. She shuddered, realizing she would never be able to look at her bed the same way again. She moved towards the couch in her room hastily, scared to imagine what would happen when he entered the room.

She started to step towards the washroom to freshen up, but stopped when she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. The partition of her hair was filled messily with sindoor and there was a mangalsutra hanging around her neck like a noose. It was then that reality hit her- she was married- to someone other than Yuvaan. She sank down on her knees, rubbing wildly at her hair to take the sindoor out. “Why Yuvaan? Why didn’t you come for me?” she cried, remembering her marriage with Sayyam.

Krishna was still weeping on the ground, when Sayyam stormed in, closing the door behind him. Krishna flinched back and closed her eyes tightly, furiously rubbing all the tears off her cheeks. She stayed fixed where she was, waiting; and when nothing happened, she peeped one eye open, realizing that he had gone straight into the washroom. Krishna huddled into the side of the couch, wishing she would blend in with the couch and disappear today night.

She refused to sleep, deciding to stay awake, just in case anything happened. Thirty minutes passed, then forty, and she felt her eyebrows start to droop, when the door to the washroom flew open and Sayyam stepped out. His eyes were bloodshot and his hands were shaking. She felt his gaze on her back and squirmed about, willing him to just walk away after all the damage he had inflicted today. But obviously, the universe was not on her side today and Sayyam knelt next to her, breathing heavily,

“Krishna,” he said sternly, “Go sleep on the bed”.

Krishna stayed where she was, petrified; there was no way she would share that bed with him.

“Krishna,” he warned her again, exasperated, “I’m tired, let me sleep here. Go sleep on the bed.”

Krishna slowly rose to her feet and started walking mindlessly towards the bed, before stopping in her tracks. If she gave in now, she would have to do so all her life. She couldn’t let him get what he wanted. She turned around to face Sayyam, who was placing a pillow on the couch.

“No,” she said decisively.

“What?” Sayyam furrowed his eyebrows, obviously confused with her outburst.

“No, I want to sleep on the couch.”

“I’m letting you have the bed,” he wondered what more she wanted.

“Where was this mahaanata (greatness) when you were forcing me to get married to you, huh?”

“What do you wa-?” he muttered.

“The couch. I want the couch,” she clarified.

Sayyam became more irritated than he already was and grabbed his stuff off the couch, heading for the bed.

“Fine! Take your precious couch!” he retorted, dumping his things on the bed.

“Fine!” Krishna felt accomplished as she went up to the couch, set it up, and lay down; and it wasn’t long before she fell into a restless sleep.
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Sayyam woke with a start, beads of sweat rolling down the sides of his face. He was panting from fright and mental exhaustion. He glanced at the clock. It was two in the morning.
He’d had that same dream again, where Suhani had told him the truth of his birth; but this time, she had also blamed him for ruining Krishna’s life.

Sayyam stared at the door of his room woefully, remembering the previous evening, when he’d forcefully gotten married to Krishna to save his family’s reputation. Yesterday evening, Suhani had confronted him too, asking him where the cure for Yuvraaj was. Sayyam had just glanced at his watch and told Suhani that Yuvraaj had already been given the cure, realizing that it had been four hours already. He had received angry looks from most of the family members yesterday, but it was his mother’s words which had affected him the most.

He looked down at his hands, which were still trembling; it seemed as if the tremors would never stop. He knew he’d spent at least half an hour in the shower after the marriage, as the burning hot water ran down his chest. He tried to get all of the red out of his fingers from the sindoor, but it just hadn’t worked. Something inside him felt broken seeing his mother and Krishna acting this way with him. Maybe one they’d realize, maybe everyone would realize; that he was trying- he really was. He wanted to be a better person, he wanted to show them who he really was, but he was scared. He was scared and he knew it.

Sayyam willed himself to take a deep breath, blinking back the tears. He felt numb, it was like nothing hurt, but everything was hurting at the same time. It was a feeling he’d felt all too often.

Everything would get better- it had to. Sayyam hoped- no- he wished desperately, that this was the last time he’d be telling himself this.

He looked at Krishna, who was still wearing her bridal attire and her jewelry. Running a hand through his hair, Sayyam sighed, getting angry with Krishna and her antics. She would always misunderstand him and then accuse him of something he hadn’t done. He looked at her sleeping form for two more minutes, then turned on his side and lay down, tired from all the emotional drama in his life lately.

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Alright guys, I just realized that in the show, Sayyam never filled Krishna’s ‘maang’ with sindoor (which I’d really hoped the cv’s would make use of so that scene would have some importance and ‘complete’ their marriage) , but if you guys want, I’ll create that scene sometime in the upcoming chapters. Let me know in the comments 😉
I’ll be posting next on Sunday (tomorrow)

Until next time!
– Shreya <3