Yeh fitoor mera ~ twinj

I often think what is life? Is it a dream where people are imagining of everything they want, only to wake up into a reality where they can only earn what they deserve truly? Or is it living a dream of my own which till date was so unknown and distant to me. But how can I say so? If it was unknown to me how could I know: she’s the one! She’s the one, to whom this heart of mine belongs too. She owns it and every damn beat of its. Or not…whenever I look at her, I feel she is engraved deeply in somewhere in my core. As if my soul was in a dreamless sleep, keeping her with him, my mind only functions solely based on my intellectual part. All the emotions: love, pains and pleasures, joy and sorrow; it feels…come in my life after She Enters My Life. She is like the vital potion…my mom used to tell story about it- Amrut…the Elixir of life, for me. When she wasn’t in my life, I was a human who day and night has worked hard, always topped in the classes, was young, shrewd and successful businessman. But since the day I set my eyes onto her, I found this new side into me. As if I awaken from a dreamless sleep into a dream that becomes alive and moving around me. I feel blessed to experience all these emotions that make my heart cry, smile and elated; to be in love. I feel blessed to have her as my wife. My Wife…these words; make my stomach do somersaults, knock all the air out from my lungs and I forget to breath as my heart races with the wild horses. And when she is standing before me, just like this instance I can’t move away eyes from her, as if she’s a magnet and my eyes are irons helplessly drawn on to her.

It seems like yesterday. I first saw her in my own engagement party! I know you all must be laughing out loud by now as I just have said that I met my wife at my own engagement party!? I know that’s what should be natural but not in this case. I was about to get married by next 3-4 days with my childhood best friend- Maya! Anybody would assume that I must be very happy as I was in love with her for a long time, that was dream come true and I was about to get married with my childhood sweetheart. For those day dreamers- No, I hadn’t thought Maya, my best friend from childhood in that way, had only agreed to marry her on my mother’s insistence. In fact till that time I was aware of different kind of love and affection that I witnessed in friends, brothers, sisters and of course in my parents, in my family. But the Love kind of love”Never! But that day it has to come in my life, it has been destined to cross path with my fate, to capture me as hers forever. That day I saw Her! Twinkle. Oh sorry! In excitement of singing praise of my wife and love of my life, I forgot to mention her name. Her name is Twinkle, and she’s a great Chef! And I first time met her in my, that god forsaken engagement party. She was cooking and catering in that party. In her, I found a sweet innocence which was very captivating and charming. I couldn’t move my eyes from her, and begged to someone like God (I didn’t believe in God or Goddess of any kind, honestly though my whole family did.) to grant me just one glimpse of her face. Yes, she has covered her half- face in her dupatta, to stay incognito in everyone’s eyes. And she was successful in her mission except I have witnessed her serene beauty in her eyes. Her eyes! Doe shaped, long, deep black eyes of her are itself a mystery. It shows and plays so many emotions within a moment and tells you stories. That day too they were conveying different emotions- joy and sorrow; pain and pleasure; ecstasy and agony. I couldn’t read through those emotions to find out what stories they were telling but I realized in that very moment that I would spend next awakening seconds of rest of my life trying to decipher and read those stories…

In my 24 years 11 months and 25 days life, I had never heard of my heart. Even seeing it silence that long I doubted whether I ever had that particular organ in my body. I had never been very bothered by heart (that was why I doubted back then whether I had “heart” or not?) and the feelings and emotions it churns in one’s mind. I had seen many of my friends talking about them and suffering from theirs impact. I always laughed at them; mocked their incapability to not get a hold on their thoughts and differentiate and reason their mind with logics. But now I understand- it was uncontrollable. Love! It is indeed uncontrollable and unfathomable. It can make people do anything and everything what they couldn’t even think about in logical, rational mind. Love – heart’s way to express that it has finally found out why it has been beating this long, for whom, it has been beating. Love- it is the heart’s way to tell the mind how incomplete and lonely the soul has been, until the moment it realizes that it is living without its mate! Soulmate! I never believed in Soulmate, let alone in Love. I never believed once that someone is out there waiting for me who has come in this world only for me. I never thought that within my icy, insensitive heart I found this much warmth and passion. Passion for someone so badly that I would end to beg to that God-like someone for her, for Twinkle.

I never believed in fate and destiny. I never believed in God. Yet on the eve of my 25th birthday I was silently praying to God…that like his other miracles he may make another miracle and bestow Twinkle to me as fruit, for this life. I have started to believe in the heart’s way. I have started feel how it feels to be sad, happy, in pain and in pleasure. I have tasted the Love and its bitter sweet ways to play with mind. I finally got Twinkle near me yet far away from me.

As I have told, Twinkle is a Chef and I met her at my engagement party where I was about to exchange rings with my childhood best friend Maya. Then against my will and also my knowledge we would be going to New York forever. But all of this has changed, destiny walks on its own course and I get to know about Twinkle. Twinkle is orphaned at very young age and after completing her studies, she was working as a part time cook in a catering company as her financial condition worsened. But that dignified, head strong and stone willed Lady didn’t break down, decided to make her own ways out from that never ending agony. She was already fired from her work but I insisted her to join the work again, for me. After that lots of uncanny and weird things happened, that I couldn’t able to explain let alone understand them. But among them, the only good thing was that I managed to bring Twinkle with me to Mumbai. She was at first very adamant not to come with me but after encountering her beast of an ex-fiance I couldn’t able to leave her back at village near Amritsar. She had to come and I made her understood that.

The last 3-4 days of my marriage was pure torture to me. That was the time when I first realized how it was felt when you desired and loved someone from heart very strongly that your mind only could think about her yet you couldn’t have her with you. Instead you had to tie a life- long knot with someone else, whom you didn’t love at all. I tried to talk out my family out of this marriage proposal but they were all adamant to get me marry before I turned into 25 years old. As per my astrological signs, I have death on my neck breathed every now and then. And only my wife with certain specifications in her own astrological sign could neutralize that threat by taking over all those dangers upon herself.

I had lost my all hopes as I was going through all the rituals and rites mechanically. But in all those formalities my heart, mind and soul only wished, yearned and longed for her, for Twinkle.

If you desire for something or someone very deeply, strongly and if there is any truth in your feelings, it will be etched in your fate as your destiny. The one who is in this earth only for you, who is mate, comrade and companion of your soul, would come to you when the time arrives. You don’t need to know that person by yourself because that task is up to your soul. A soul can recognise his the other half’ by the rhythm of the heartbeats, through the depth of tumultuous mind. That is why we all get a soulmate for our own, who completes us and makes us whole and perfect despite of our lots of imperfections. That is why I too get in this life my soul mate. All this time I didn’t feel my heart’s warmth, mind’s restlessness because I haven’t found the person who could manage me to feel all of these. But finally my wait is over as I have awakened from my dreamless sleep into a world full of dreams or rather daydreams…who is known as Twinkle!! She is My Soulmate who finally wakes my soul up from his captive slumber.